Twice the Man

Interview with a Fat Man

2009-11-06T13:03:00.001-05:00

I currently live in Scioto County, Ohio, about 30 minutes from where I grew up in Kentucky. On November 9th, I have an interview for a position in Lake County, Ohio -- its the county east of Cuyahoga (Cleveland) and about as far away as I can move and still be in Ohio (about 4.5 hours away). I think they are interviewing 5 people and since I have no networking connections, it will be a struggle to get this position and even if it is offered they will need to offer me a bit more money then they advertised to make it an affordable move. I would like to move to a bigger city, but Columbus and Cincinnatti would have been closer to family and friends. I have not interviewed for a job since I did so for my current position 3 years ago, and that interview was with people I already knew and who already knew my capabilities. I hope I am now to the place where I may still be seen as a bigger guy, but where my weight will no longer be an obsticale preventing others from considering me. It is a fact, obese people make much less then those otherwise equal. They also get fewer job offers, promotions and bosses (maybe for legit reasons) fear they may cause health insurance cost to rise. Maybe this will be a good practice interview for me, for when a position closer to the southern Ohio cities opens up. Maybe I will like the people and pay there and decide to make the bigger move now if the position is offered. Whatever, I am not letting my appearance hold me back like I may have 2 years ago.

Yesvember

2009-11-01T10:48:00.000-05:00

While I am going to limit certain foods this month that have been tripping me up, I am not going to just say No to them. I have been struggling the last few months and I have gained 18 pounds since my low weight of the year. I would have responded with a spartan mentality before, but I don't have to do that now. So Cheese, Ice Cream and Chocolates are banned from my home this month. But I have 2 parties and a weekend trip where I may have those things.

Our Deepest Fear —Marianne Williamson

2009-10-31T14:25:00.001-04:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same
As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.

***************************************************

Sometimes Mother Theresa or Nelson Mandela are given credit for this poem, but they were only quoting Marianne Williamson. If it sounds familiar otherwise, you may have heard it in one of a few movies its been used in, Coach Carter being one.

Ok maybe I am Dead, but Zombie Dead, not Dead Dead, wait aren't Zombies Undead?

2009-10-30T13:37:00.001-04:00

You guessed it, I have been in a funk lately. My neck is hurting worse with cooler weather then it did 3 months ago. It is now 5 months after the accident and I still wake up in the middle of the night with neck pains. I go to see my doc again in November. I don't want to be on pain killers, but topical over the counter stuff and bayer don't seem to be helping. I have let this pain move up my neck into my brain. I still get compliements on how great I look, but I am in a battle now. My left wrist is also still bothering me some. Gotta get my head on right and just deal with this, especially if it going to be something I have to deal with in the long haul.

Open to Receiving Something New

2009-10-19T06:00:00.000-04:00

They put in a new kitchen floor in my apartment today. I may be getting a new water heater soon as well. I did not ask for either, but my floor was getting pretty wore. New things come our way and we don't always appreciate it, we even see it as an inconvience at time. I am happy to have new floors and I hope my landlord considers new carpet in the future.

Food & Exercise Journal

2009-10-18T19:35:00.001-04:00

I use to keep a food and exercise journal on Spark People, but since I am not active there at the moment I am adding one here for me to review. I will figure how to set in up Monday and then Tuesday start it offically. Tuesdays will be my weigh in days also and I will post there, periodically I will also post here.

update on 10/31/09: I have not done this, starting on Nov 1

Carts and Baskets

2009-10-17T17:59:00.001-04:00

I always try to use a basket instead of cart when shopping, you burn a few more calories carring your stuff around. Today was colder, but not a winter or thunderstorm day --- still it amazes me how few people who get carts actually put them in one of the cart corrals. So I am taking the opportunity to put a cart up after I park and before I head in to the store.

Steps and other daily opportunities allow us to burn a few more calories each day, I won't let myself miss these opportunities if I can.

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

2009-10-16T00:35:00.002-04:00

My fellow blogger Born Squishy recently mentioned Proverb 17:17 in a blog post in reference to his relationship with his brother. The KJV, the old school version, puts it this way “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”. Some take this to mean you find your joy in friends and family causes you headaches. But that is not the lesson the scripture is trying to convey. Instead the text means to impart to readers that in bad times you truly find who you can count on, who is more than just a friend but a brother. While in reference to brother in spirit, the word brother also reminds us that family should be there in the hard times for each other. To me it says, I need to brother to my siblings in trying times.

I will be aware of the ways my mom, sisters and other family members can better me

Above in bold is from my first post of my latest revision of this blog. If you have not figured it out, if you are looking for a weight loss blog, this will not be one. I am a brother to 3 older sisters. All strong, independent, intelligent and sometimes challenging women in their unique ways. We are somewhat close siblings, but we have never been each other’s best friends. We don’t send each other birthday cards and only call when we have a reason. At times it may be months between conversation between us. Being the youngest and only boy did not give me the privileges of being a spoilt child. Sometimes it even made me the outsider, locked out of rooms where my sisters played. But still I developed a relationship with each as we grew older.

My middle sister is the quiet one, she works hard without complaint and avoids attention. She does all she can for her children, husband and in-laws. She does not inconvenience others with her needs. She is teaching me a lesson right now, an opportunity to better myself. I am learning how to help someone without insulting their pride, without being overbearing, with being sensitive that their values and mine are not that same.

Ten years ago, under very different circumstance, I was the sibling struggling (my problem was a failing marriage). It was two and half years after my father’s death and the first time the family took action without him. My middle sister took me and her two young boys for ice cream. She told me when we returned to our mother’s that all three sisters would be talking with me.

Seeing my family now pressuring my middle sister to let us help her as her family deals with some medical and financial adversities has helped me see the intervention of sorts that they gave me 10 years ago in a different light. I now better understand how my struggle must have been stressful for them as well. To be honest, I have resented them for that conversation and the things they insisted from me at the time. I think it is time I thank them for that conversation now. It will be odd to make now, they have not been looking for it, but I think I need to make it.

Sick Doctor

2009-10-15T16:18:00.003-04:00

I was scheduled to go to see my doctor today but got a call that he has the flu, so does half of his office. It was just a check-up, so I rescheduled for mid-November. I was worried he would be upset with my weight gain and now I have a chance to get back to where I was when I saw him 3 months ago.

Unaware

2009-10-14T09:55:00.002-04:00

After my accident in May and during the following weeks of physical theraphy, I convienced myself maintaining would be acceptable during my time of recovery. I also allowed comfort foods (this time cheeses and ice cream had a stronger then normal showing) to become a staple of my diet. I still have pains in my neck region which causes sleep issues and headaches and the last few months I have let that excuse hold me back from fully committing to healthy living. The results are not shocking, I gained 15 pounds. Clothes are not fitting me well and I think it is safe to say I have lost some muscle tone. While I have some physical limitation that I did not before, I believe what truelly is pushing me the wrong direction is mental.

I have lived a life in obesity not because I choose that for me, I have always wanted a fit body. I am not stupid, I know what generally makes people fitter. I also know my how my body reacts better then anyone else. So why have I been obese most of my life, I just stop letting myself be aware of the things in my life that leads to or prevents obesity. Staying home and watching a TV show or DVD is not evil, but if I fail to exercise most days I will gain weight. Eating cheese or having a coffee milkshake (my current #1 addiction) can be ok, but it can not be common if I want to lose these extra pounds.

I will be losing weight slower than in the past, it will be more gradual, But I will be aware of my life and make changes to see that I do lose these excess fat pounds. I will remain aware and in control, because my body is my duty and only I am able to make it the best it can be. I am all powerful when it comes to my body and I am not going to let myself become unaware of my power again.

Not going to make an Excuse about this being Hokie, this is the Direction I am headed

2009-10-13T14:05:00.000-04:00

Spirit

I will be happy with and love myself
I will live in sync with God
I will attract spirit minded individuals into my life

Health

I will consume foods that meet my energy and bodily needs
I will regularly perform a level of exercise which makes me fit
I will live free of presciption medication

Relationships

My friends will be supportive, intelligent and joyful
I be aware of the ways my mom, sisters and other family members can better me
I will be attractive to women that can help me achieve the life I want

Career

My income will exceed my expensive and debt payments
My job will bring me joy and a sense of accomplishment
I will accept new opportunities for responsiblities which will regularly happen and will help me achieve my career ambitions

Pleasure

My friends and family will have special activities that are exciting and full of cooperation
I will be open to new adventures and will have many opportunities to engage in them with people who enrich my life
I will be proud of my appearance